:(

Do you remember your favorite blanket, teddy bear or something that you held close to you when you were young? Now do you remember when you had to give it up because you were a "big girl/boy"? Well....this is how I feel about giving up my smokes :(
To be honest I haven't been doing to well. I have cut back greatly but haven't "kicked" the habit completely. I have been having 2 or 3 cigarettes a day. It has worked well because it is just enough to take the edge off. The part that is making this the hardest is my husband is still smoking. Every so often he will forget and light up in the house and it totally screws me up. It isn't all his fault tho...it just takes so much will power and I just don't have it right now...not with Christmas coming and getting ready for it. I know, I know, just another excuse not to totally stop and to be honest maybe it is but it is just so hard!! My hubby says that since he has the week during Christmas and New Years off it will be a good time for him to quit too....we'll see. I believe it will be easier for him then me, but I am the one who has no choice but to quit. Last Monday I finally asked the doctor for a chest Xray because my chest hurt so bad and I thought at one point I was having a heart attack but come to find out when your lungs are inflamed they can spasm and make your chest hurt. The good news is that the chest xray showed nothing out of the norm and the doctor is thinking that I either have a nasty virus that just doesn't want to leave me or I am in the beginning stages of a chronic lung disease...great!!!! They put me on antibiotics AGAIN and also 2 types of inhalers which seems to be working. This is not fun and pretty scary too. To think that I am only 33 and starting a lung disease already is really scary.
Now to why I haven't just stopped? I have no idea!!!! I wish I could answer that. I know it is bad. I know every time I smoke a cigarette it is making my lungs worse and I am slowly killing myself....still no answer. I have read that stopping smoking is harder then quitting street drugs....if that is true I am not sure. I know what you are thinking, if your not a smoker, "dumbass". Come on admit it you think that I am stupid and should have gotten rid of all of the smokes when the dr told me what was going on...and you are totally right!!! If you are a smoker or an ex smoker then you probably totally understand what I am saying. This is the hardest thing that I have done and I am praying for the strength to stop completely. I just wish I knew if there was a trick or something. This time around I have figured out it is not so much the nicotine that keeps me coming back, it is the habit. The habit is the worst to break. I try not to talk on the phone much because there is something about smoking and being on the phone...don't ask. The morning smoke isn't bad for me. I can get up and go a little bit without having that morning cigarette (unlike my hubby). The after you eat smoke is getting easier. Now after dinner I just go straight to washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen before I really want that after dinner smoke. I now have a bottle of water I carry with me all the time so when I want that smoke I just keep taking small sips. There is a down side to the bottle tho....way too much time spent in the bathroom..Hahaha! But it does take that edge away for a little bit and it gives my hands and mouth something to do...that is the key I believe, keeping things busy. I can't chew gum as it always gives me a headache so I have stuff to suck on which works only for a little bit, but it does help.
I am hoping that I can figure this out soon and be smoke free by the new year! For all of those people out there that have quit smoking cold turkey...I am on my hands and knees bowing to you for your strength and commitment and asking for your help on how to just give it up! I am open for suggestions of any kind. For all you non smokers out there I am willing to hear the nasty comments you may wish to say....as long as they are not so mean you make me want to smoke...hahaha!!
Hope you all are doing great out there and are ready for the holidays. I am on my way slowly but I am one of those people that wait til last minute anyways...guess I like the stress.
Have a wonderful and blessed day :)

Sweet Dreams Week

This is my entry for the I Heart Faces Photo Challenge called Sweet Dreams.
This is Emily at the end of the yr preschool picnic on the beach. The older kids were playing so nicely together and having fun on the beach, poor Emi couldn't keep up and just ended up falling asleep in the swing.
Too Cute!!



This picture below is just a shot a little further away so you can see her hanging there and she kept moving her head trying to get a more comfy spot.

Today is Day 1

I have quit smoking today....for the 3rd time!!! I have tried to do it before but I really have to do it now. Doctors orders and also my body is saying enough is enough!

Hello everyone! I know I have been gone for quite sometime now and to be honest I didn't know if I was ever going to come back to writing. I started blogging for my stores on Etsy and Artfire. I had eventually grown to not like blogging for the fact of I was bored talking about selling. I enjoyed it more when I would talk about what I liked and loved but then I said "who cares how you feel about certain things" I know some of you do....if my old blogging buddies are still out there. So I have decided to do this for myself. I need to vent the frustration of stopping smoking and I thought what a better place then here due to the fact of there are millions of you out there that have overcome some sort of an addiction. I hope you all will be able to give me some hints, ideas and encouragement to do this so then I may be able to help the next person in line to quit smoking or whatever their addiction may be.

I have been having some medical issues and to be honest I am getting really nervous now. I am the type of person that doesn't like to talk about very personal things. My thoughts are that somewhere out there someone has it worse then you. I didn't want people to think that I was whining or anything. I have decided to try writing about my issues going on and about quitting smoking. I thought that it may help me to just put my thoughts and feelings down and if anyone wants to read or if anyone can offer some advice I would love it so. I have heard that quitting street drugs is easier then quitting smoking...don't know if that is totally true or not but I can say it is the hardest thing I have had to do. I haven't figured out how to constantly find things for my fingers to do or my mouth for that fact. I have lost some weight (45 lbs to be exact..in 2 yrs) and I am soooo scared I am going to put it back on and I can't do that since I am already pre diabetic or I should say was pre diabetic:) If I have to put some of that back on I am good with that but I have seen and read horror stories on how much weight people put on due to stopping smoking and I am not good with that!

Right now I need to take this one day at a time and see what happens. Right now I have a patch on and I have a cut down straw to hold in my fingers or in my mouth. I have also heard to put a little bit of cotton in one end of the straw so if you decide to suck on it is gives you a little resistance like a cigarette does (think I may have to try that). It is still early here and I haven't been up long enough to really start craving. I was never the one to get up and the first thing I had to do is light up. I was always about to hold off on that and also after eating I could do the same. I will probably have to post something later when I am cranky and really could use a smoke.

On another note. I thought I would show you a few pictures that I have been taking with my Christmas toy from last yr and a pictures of how big the boys have gotten :) I really would love to hear from you guys and let me know how you all are doing. I have popped in from time to time but I never really commented to much on the blogs but I always was wondering how everyone was.