:(

Do you remember your favorite blanket, teddy bear or something that you held close to you when you were young? Now do you remember when you had to give it up because you were a "big girl/boy"? Well....this is how I feel about giving up my smokes :(
To be honest I haven't been doing to well. I have cut back greatly but haven't "kicked" the habit completely. I have been having 2 or 3 cigarettes a day. It has worked well because it is just enough to take the edge off. The part that is making this the hardest is my husband is still smoking. Every so often he will forget and light up in the house and it totally screws me up. It isn't all his fault tho...it just takes so much will power and I just don't have it right now...not with Christmas coming and getting ready for it. I know, I know, just another excuse not to totally stop and to be honest maybe it is but it is just so hard!! My hubby says that since he has the week during Christmas and New Years off it will be a good time for him to quit too....we'll see. I believe it will be easier for him then me, but I am the one who has no choice but to quit. Last Monday I finally asked the doctor for a chest Xray because my chest hurt so bad and I thought at one point I was having a heart attack but come to find out when your lungs are inflamed they can spasm and make your chest hurt. The good news is that the chest xray showed nothing out of the norm and the doctor is thinking that I either have a nasty virus that just doesn't want to leave me or I am in the beginning stages of a chronic lung disease...great!!!! They put me on antibiotics AGAIN and also 2 types of inhalers which seems to be working. This is not fun and pretty scary too. To think that I am only 33 and starting a lung disease already is really scary.
Now to why I haven't just stopped? I have no idea!!!! I wish I could answer that. I know it is bad. I know every time I smoke a cigarette it is making my lungs worse and I am slowly killing myself....still no answer. I have read that stopping smoking is harder then quitting street drugs....if that is true I am not sure. I know what you are thinking, if your not a smoker, "dumbass". Come on admit it you think that I am stupid and should have gotten rid of all of the smokes when the dr told me what was going on...and you are totally right!!! If you are a smoker or an ex smoker then you probably totally understand what I am saying. This is the hardest thing that I have done and I am praying for the strength to stop completely. I just wish I knew if there was a trick or something. This time around I have figured out it is not so much the nicotine that keeps me coming back, it is the habit. The habit is the worst to break. I try not to talk on the phone much because there is something about smoking and being on the phone...don't ask. The morning smoke isn't bad for me. I can get up and go a little bit without having that morning cigarette (unlike my hubby). The after you eat smoke is getting easier. Now after dinner I just go straight to washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen before I really want that after dinner smoke. I now have a bottle of water I carry with me all the time so when I want that smoke I just keep taking small sips. There is a down side to the bottle tho....way too much time spent in the bathroom..Hahaha! But it does take that edge away for a little bit and it gives my hands and mouth something to do...that is the key I believe, keeping things busy. I can't chew gum as it always gives me a headache so I have stuff to suck on which works only for a little bit, but it does help.
I am hoping that I can figure this out soon and be smoke free by the new year! For all of those people out there that have quit smoking cold turkey...I am on my hands and knees bowing to you for your strength and commitment and asking for your help on how to just give it up! I am open for suggestions of any kind. For all you non smokers out there I am willing to hear the nasty comments you may wish to say....as long as they are not so mean you make me want to smoke...hahaha!!
Hope you all are doing great out there and are ready for the holidays. I am on my way slowly but I am one of those people that wait til last minute anyways...guess I like the stress.
Have a wonderful and blessed day :)

Great Giveaway and Helping All In One

A good friend of mine, Franni of Sunny Days Embroidery, has brought it to my attention that a very close friend of hers is in need of some help from her fellow artisans.

Her DH is having heart surgery and needs to come up with $25,000 for the copay! Isn't that just crazy!!

Anyways,

Joann of A Pieceful Afternoon is having a giveaway of this gorgeous "Grandmother's Garden" quilt.

You can find all the details at Joann's blog and learn a little more of what is going on.

Not all of us can donate but we can all show some love! Do what you can to help out. Post on your blog, tell a friend, twitter it etc, whatever way you see fit. Also, please, stop by Joanns blog and leave a comment just letting her know that you are thinking and or praying for her and her family. Every little bit helps!

Thanks for taking the time! I know our blogging community is close and you will all do what you can!